Calculus, College Applications and the 2 Biggest Lessons of My Senior Year

A little over one month ago, I graduated from high school after spending four years at Borger High. In that time, I learned many things: some practical, some intellectual, some cultural, some scary (high school parking lot, just trust me). But this last year, my senior year, I learned some really important things. Before I tell you the two most important lessons I learned, let me give you a little context of what this year was like.

In early August (while blissful summer was still on!), I was gearing up for a laid-back senior year. I had a couple class periods off, so I planned to work a little more at the local gym and spend more time being with people and building relationships! Little did I know that my classes would change all of that in a flash. I ended up with really challenging classes that took WAY more time than I ever thought they could.

Before the start of the year, I sat down with a good friend to talk through priorities. One thing she recommended was to make a list of everything I would have the opportunity or desire to do this year, and then determine ahead of time which were most important. This was very hard for me, because I’m a little bit of a “yes woman”(i.e. if you started to ask me to do something, I’ll probably nod my head yes before you finished saying, “Will you…?”). My gut reaction to say yes to everything might seem noble, but really, it’s most often rooted in pride and not healthy at all! So I sat down and crossed out items I determined ahead of time to say no to. Things like being a NHS officer (apparently you don’t get a cool uniform for that anyways), trying to be the second Serena Williams and academic competitions were in the “no” pile. BUT, I thought I was totally prepared for a balanced, slower-paced senior year. The thing is, it didn’t go quite like that.

As I started my classes, tennis practice and tournaments, leading worship each week, working at the gym, and doing life, it became apparent that free time was a thing of the past. I had no time to do the things I envisioned myself doing, and my days were filled to overflowing. I was overwhelmed. I was frustrated. I was mad. I was tired. I remember sitting on the floor in my room sometime in late November and asking God, “Why is this so hard?! Why does it have to be like this?” with exhausted tears rolling down my cheeks. There was a lot of very real disappointment and pain in that my senior year was, in large part, nothing like I thought it should have been. It’s hard to admit because on the outside, on the Instagram story, everything looked great I’m sure, but it was actually anything but put together. In the struggle that it was though, not only were there victories and special moments, but the Lord also taught me things I couldn’t have learned any other way.

Lesson #1: Endurance Comes From Rest

Although that might seem a little backwards, let me explain why it’s true. In December, I read a verse that jumped off the pages at me: “Consider it great joy, my brothers, whenever you experience various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. But endurance must do its complete work so you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing [James 1:2–4].” This was kind of a bummer at first; I was hoping for something a little faster (my siblings are the marathon runners, not me). But what I learned is that the endurance to persevere in the hard seasons is only found from being in the presence of God. I mistakenly thought that if I got more sleep, had more free time, had fewer assignments or had to go to school less often that it would fufill the deep need for rest and restoration in my heart. Instead, I decided to walk in the truth that because I’m His daughter, I believe He wants me to thrive (not just survive), even in hard seasons. I began to actually protect time in the Word and with Him in the mornings because I had to believe rest was in Him; nothing else was working (and believe me, coffee helps a lot at 6 AM; my will power is low that early). When He began to move my heart towards His perspective and priorities, my outlook changed from negativity and exhaustion to gratitude and satisfaction from being in a relationship with Jesus. The only way I learned endurance in the hardest 9 month season of my life so far was by recognizing that relaxation is no substitute for rest, and true rest is only found in His presence (especially in the valleys).

Lesson #2: The Purpose of Hard Seasons Isn’t To Get to the End, It’s To Know Him in the Middle

When I recovered from the surprise of the torrent of things I had to do at the beginning of the year, my gut reaction was to simply try to survive til the end. I focused only on getting to May in one piece. I remember having a conversation with my mentor where I was so done with being so busy and tired and I said, “I’m just so ready to be done with this stupid season. It’s so hard. Can it be over already?!”. Then she said, both lovingly and firmly, something along the lines of, “Rach, He has a purpose for you in this season, even if you can’t see it. Don’t miss it trying to get to the finish line.” Man, that one hit me between the eyes. But over the course of the year, I came to see the wisdom in her words. If our goal is simply to get out of the valleys, we’ll miss seeing how true His promises are, that His name really is Emmanuel- God with us, and that He will always always be faithful. His presence is enough for me, both in the super hard seasons and the easier ones, too.

I learned to keep my eyes on Him, not necessarily on the finish line.

My senior year was challenging in many ways. It grew my humility (ok, forced me to have some), grew my perspective of Jesus, and most of all, taught me that endurance that finds its power in His presence for the long haul is worth fighting for. Yeah, I learned how to differentiate in Calculus, how to write a strong research paper, and how to hit a better tennis serve, but in the long run, I learned that I need Jesus, in every season. Was it hard? Yep. Was it worth it? Yep. Do I recommend it? We had better get some coffee.

-Rachel

If you have questions, comments or feedback of any kind, I’d love to hear from you! Feel free to DM me on Instagram (@rachel_madden99), Twitter (@rachel_madden11) or Facebook! I can’t wait to hear from you!